I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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