I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
