I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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