awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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