She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
