All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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