weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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