id be glad to
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
