Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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