I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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