The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
my poor anus
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
