would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
