drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
