omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
