I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
