Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
