You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
