This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
