No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
