Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
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