i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
