New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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