The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
