i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
