i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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