I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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