at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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