bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
