Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Randomize
