i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
