stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
