Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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