Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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