He kissed a someone with a penis
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
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