Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
