My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
