I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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