hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
