dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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