so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
