when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
