Well douche your snatch and let's go!
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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