My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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