Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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