took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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