She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
