i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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