I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he puts the penis in happiness.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
