Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
