She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
