i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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