Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
