...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
