I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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